Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Anyone dressing up as Sarah Palin for Halloween is condemned to waterboarding with extreme prejudice. How we’re going to manage to torture such a huge crowd of morons I don’t know—we’ll have to hire a lot of temps, I guess, and have them work in shifts. Because as far as I can tell, everyone is going as Sarah Palin tonight. Male, female, young, old, gay, straight, human, animal, it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to see thousands of fake (or should I say faker) Sarah Palins roaming the streets, lock your doors and keep the curtains closed.
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Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: On rare occasions, certain people are brave, and must be commended.
Can I time these articles or what? The day after I put up my article on Ethiopia’s troubles in Somalia, 5 car bombs go off in two Somali cities targeting the Ethiopian consulate in Hargeisa, the Presidential Palace (such as…
A couple of years ago I mentioned that Ethiopian troops were occupying Mogadishu and said it was the perfect experimental setup for us. Now we could find out if anybody could pacify that place. Well, the answer’s in, because the…
Today’s Defendant: White America Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Today we write in praise of White America. It’s long overdue, says Frank Rich, the New York Times columnist. He wrote a recent article called “In Defense of White America” in…
Today’s Defendant: When Animals Attack! Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: There used to be this tremendously moral show on TV back in the 1990s called When Animals Attack! It was all about how you should respect animals or else suffer…
No way. Actually, I refuse to review High School Musical 3. We all know it’s rotten. Which brings me to my point: where the hell are the movies? I mean the ones for mass audiences, designed to make sentient beings…
The Damnation of Ashley Todd Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Little need be said here. What does a Texas Republican know about stigmata? What could an Anglo-Saxon understand about self-mutilation?
You may not have noticed it, but a couple of weeks ago, the New York Times slipped in a story that completely contradicted a narrative that it had been building up for two straight months, one that was leading America into…
The Good Book: You Can’t Win Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: There are few good books. You Can’t Win by Jack Black, a forgotten memoir of the 1920s is a very good book. For that, we honor it. This Jack Black…
The Canonization of Andrew Lahde Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Though Kenny Rogers will never write a song in his honor, Andrew Lahde is what redemption looks like. Or, more to the point, sounds like. Lahde spent the first part…
Don’t be fooled by how amusing this image looks. You ever sit through the rough cut of your friend’s independent film? Well, I have, lotsa times, God help me, so seeing Oliver Stone’s W. really brought back some nauseating memories….
Today’s Defendant: The Simpsons Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: We might as well stop beating around the bush and have the whole show canonized, if that’s possible. If not, all the characters can be saints, right? Or would it have…
The Russkie dream of buying out America’s economy might have tanked, but the Russians are increasingly sneaking across the border and making their presence felt in the U.S. media. Here is this week’s Russian-American video roundup. 1. Love Song For…
Today’s Defendant: Joe the Plumber Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Oh, this guy’s got to pay. Joe the Plumber, aka Joe Wurzelbacher—or maybe his name’s actually Samuel and he isn’t a licensed plumber–but regardless he’s an arrogant bald-headed prick who’s…
Little did I know that when I lost everything last year, I was doing research. At the time I thought it was just stupidity or bad luck or both. But now that the economy’s crashing, it turns out I’ve been…
Today’s Defendant: Christopher Buckley, Again Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Being “the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon” has lost Buckley his post at the National Review, the rag his father William F. founded, and he’s been…
Today’s Defendant: Christopher Buckley Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Like his father before him, Buckley has led a life of vilest error from beginning to end: speechwriter for G.H.W. Bush, author of reams of smug crap, wearer of that stupid…
Cletus, god of the heartland Today’s Defendant: Evangelical Ministers Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Every few months for untold years now, an evangelical minister crawls out from under a rock in the American heartland and says something transcendently stupid that…
This is theater! I went to a play recently, I’m ashamed to admit. It was a Tom Stoppard play called Rock ‘n’ Roll, which is embarrassing beyond words. It wasn’t my idea! But even so, I went with a certain…
