This article was first published in the March 21, 2002 issue of The eXile. Hot on the heels of the the Homeland’s latest impluse-buy publishing hit, 1776 Things to Love About America, the eXile decided to put in its own 911 cents….

It was in the news the other day that a cheetah had achieved the fastest recorded cheetah-time, running 100 meters in just over 6 seconds, which is about 36 mph. What the hell? That’s the fastest recorded cheetah time? Are…