Her name was Wana. My first and only slope.

I boned her last night. I done-did her right here in Kentucky, in the heart of the Bible Belt.
Wana didn’t say, “Me so hoh-nee, me love you long time!”
Instead, it went like this:
“You so hai-wee.”
“What?”
“You hai-wee. You hai-wee man.”
“Oh yeah, I’m hairy. Like a bear.”
“No-no-no. (more…)

In the Reagan years alternative culture trends came and went with such speed that only a desperate fool tried to keep up. I was a desperate fool, and I tried at times to keep up, but I was too slow and too angry to succeed. The trends were more radically different on the surface than in substance — from post-punk to goth to ska to psychedelia, shockabilly and hardcore. Those and about a dozen other faggy trends exploded between 1978 and 1983. Some of it was great — Joy Division, The Cramps, Butthole Surfers, The Specials, Husker Du… By the end of the horrible Eighties, my generation had exhausted itself and made corporate collaboration a religion. As a going away gift, it gave to the country retro-70s, ecstasy-fueled rave parties, and that ol’ shocker of shockers, girls acting like big fat lesbians. Those trends took the least amount of effort to cook up and seemed almost fresh at the time, in the late 80s; it was the most an exhausted generation could hope to produce after a decade bleeding at the nose. (more…)

It all started two weeks ago.

There is a certain person, whom I will hereafter refer to as a Little Birdie, who often sends the eXile materials and ideas for stories and pranks, without getting any credit for contributing. Two weeks ago — on July 26, to be exact — the Little Birdie sent me an e-mail containing a story that had appeared in that day’s edition of the Los Angeles Times. Entitled “Taming the Wild, Wild Web”, and written by Michael Hiltzik, the article basically argued that the internet was too free for its own good, and needed to have its anarchistic tendencies reigned in, for the good of commerce. (more…)

The eXile is soliciting commentary on the following article, written by Michael Wines of the New York Times.

We need your help in attaining a more perfect understanding of this article. Send your comments to editor Matt Taibbi at taibbi@exile.ru, and they will be published in a new feature in the next issue of the eXile, a special “Letters to Michael Wines” section. The feature will allow Wines’s fans to express their admiration for the Times standout in a public forum.

Remember, send your comments to taibbi@exile.ru

July 22, 2001

(more…)

His name was Pobornik.

He had never read The New York Times. He would never be able to recognize a classic “pyramid lead.” His hours were occupied by other pursuits: grazing, sleeping standing up for long stretches, swatting away insects with his long, swishy tail, crunching mounds of hay in that big conical face of his. And then there was that other thing…. Pobornik had probably never known any other kind of life, and so he probably thought that his day job at Moscow’s Horse Farm #1 was part of the natural biological mission of the adult males of his species.

Strange-looking men would come to his stable during the daytime, and begin massaging him in strange places. One would be tugging at a strap tied to his mouth, and pulling him this way and that, back and forth, and all the while that strange stroking would continue, and the air would be filled with strange smells, and he would feel a tickling at his ears as his huge body convulsed with volcanic tremors…. (more…)

In the autumn of 1998, I got a call from Edward Limonov asking me if I could do a favor for him. His newspaper Limonka—known for its mix of extreme politics and avant-garde aesthetics—was preparing to celebrate its fourth anniversary at the Mayakovskaya Museum.

“My boys begged me to bring Johnny Rotten to the party,” Limonov told me, laughing. “I know it’s a small chance, but maybe Mr. Rotten will think it’s interesting to speak before a group of radical Russian youths who worship him.”

(more…)

Lost amid the furor over the takeover of the Media Most empire is the following crucial truth: that of the key figures on either side of the controversy, none of them would be genuinely sexually appealing to any comely 16-year-old virgin girl.

The eXile wants to be the first publication to just come right out and say it: the world is dominated by the desires of sixteen year-old girls. Most political and economic activity on this planet is driven by the desire for sex with 16-year-old virgin girls. And not just sex, but sex with a willing, stimulated partner. Sex with a girl who blushes and sighs just to be near you and falls into a deep sleep with her head resting on your chest and a dreamy expression on her face; sex with a girl who likes pony rides and licorice and scribbles your name on the cover of her science notebook. That, and that alone, is what everyone wants, and this has been largely overlooked in the seemingly endless discussion of the NTV affair. (more…)