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Miss Drug Universe 2008: Laura Elena Zúñiga

On Monday night, Mexican police nabbed Laura Elena Zúñiga Huizar, a 23-year-old babe named “Miss Sinaloa 2008.” Ms. Zúñiga, who also holds the title of “Queen of Latin America 2008,” was traveling in an SUV with seven thugs, a couple of machine guns and $50K in cash. According to English-language news reports, Ms. Zúñiga was caught up in some sort of drug-trafficking operation. But with no drugs and just a pitiful amount of cash, the situation begs the question: What freakin’ drug deal? (more…)

Posted: December 23rd, 2008

Today’s question comes from a reader named Tom. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

*****

Dear eXiled,

I’m actually totally new to your site. I’ve been having this GILF obsession lately. All I can think about is boning grandmas. And that’s how I found your site. (You guys were like the third Google link but all I got was a link to some British article about old people having sex and orgies.) That’s not what I’m into! I’m not really sure what I’m into. But I do feel an attraction to old women. Especially ones that don’t look that old, those whom I see in natural food stores. Is it normal to want to fuck older women? (more…)

Posted: December 22nd, 2008

Last Sunday, an LA Times correspondent sat down with a modern-day prophet hailing from Utah. His name was Leeland Freeborn, but he’s popularly known as the “Parowan Prophet.” He went through to the other side and saw God’s plan when he crashed his prop plane and dove into a three-week coma. That was back in 1975, and he’s been spewing prophecy ever since. (Being a hardcore Mormon, he’s also taken on a few more wives.) (more…)

Posted: December 17th, 2008

Today’s question comes from a reader named Artiom. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

******

Dear eXiled,

I need to sneak out of Russia and travel to Belgium without getting caught. I am a citizen of both countries, but Russia wouldn’t let me out, they want me to serve in the army first.
So how the hell do I get out of here??

Sincerely yours,
Stuck in Russia

******

(more…)

Posted: December 16th, 2008

The Recession Penis’ Blue Ball Syndrome

Today’s question comes from a reader named Tam. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

*****

Dear eXiled,

What’s the current state of the recession penis?  Presumably it’s getting fairly engorged these days.

Thanks,
A Recession Penis Fan

*****

(more…)

Posted: December 10th, 2008

It’s 3:45 p.m. in Los Angeles. Outside, the sun is shining, people are walking their dogs. I can hear the laughter of children returning from school … Out here, in the land of sunshine, a few footsteps away from Venice, one feels as safe and peaceful as can be. Obama stickers adorn Priuses. People ride bicycles. They recycle, buy organic and free range. They shop at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. Hope and optimism are in the air. I’m feeling peaceful and safe, too. But only because a fully loaded .357 Magnum is sitting on my desk. I spent four years observing this place from a safe distance in Moscow, and it makes me nervous now that I’m back in my adopted home state. There are just too many unknowables here to feel safe without some form of serious protection. So the first thing I did after touching down in Los Angeles was buy a gun.

(more…)

Posted: December 8th, 2008

The real junk is inside National Geographic

Tomorrow evening, the National Geographic Channel is going to hit cable viewers with a huge dose of drug propaganda cloaked as investigative reporting in a three-part special that will look at Heroin, Meth and Marijuana. I have to admit, I had high hopes for it as I went to check out the preview. With anti-drug crusaders like Joe Biden recently admitting that the War on Drugs is not living up to its promises, maybe America’s anti-drug tide has finally started turning into a drug-embracing rush. Will I be so lucky? (more…)

Posted: December 1st, 2008