If you read my story about how Cerberus Capital–the vampiric Republican-dominated private equity fund–made a killing pumping human plasma from lower-class human feeding cows, and you’re wondering what the plasma-pumping process actually looks like, here’s a lovely self-made video posted on Live Link. Thank god for Live Link!–at least, that’s the message our human donor cow wants to relate to the rest of the world, through his little cellphone cam. [HT: eXhole Jack Reynolds]

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Despite a 2002 Supreme Court ruling that executing the mentally retarded is unconstitutional, Texas has not stopped killing Gumps, according to this article in the Texas Observer.  Pretty much everything is present in this story to qualify Texas as institutionally racist, from a sissy-boy governor who does shit just to look tough to a failed public education system that literally can’t distinguish “retarded” from “Mexican.”  Because in Texas, apparently, we’d rather drive a shortbus of off-white, terrified retards over a cliff than let a murderer spend the rest of his life in prison (the horror!).

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Michael Jackson Died Healthy. Drugs Are Good For You.

That’s what I learned when I checked out the Drudge Report today. AP News broke the story, but since Drudge simply cannot help himself, he linked to the same story over at his conservative butt-buddy’s site, Breitbart.

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We got this letter today from reader Jack Reynolds, who suggested this VIP health care reform since after all it’s the super-wealthy who are driving the entire townhall mob anyway:

After much soul-searching, I’ve come up with a public option that Republicans can get behind. It’s called the Platinum Public Program (PPP), and it provides 100% coverage for the top 0.5% of income earners.

Though they can already afford the best healthcare in the world, that simply isn’t good enough. For instance, take your average $2M/yr hedge fund manager. Suppose he notices a tightening of his sinuses. If he went to the ER – as he Ought to – to try to head off any detrimentally costly sick days, you’ll be surprised to find out that even though he’s one of the lynchpins of our financial system, he’d still have to languish behind homeless people, brick-layers, cooks, and crying fucking babies. And all the while, other hedge fund managers are making the money that he should be making. He’s simply not there to help make the market perfect, and the market – nee, the World! – suffers.

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This article was first published in the March 21, 2002 issue of The eXile.

Hot on the heels of the the Homeland’s latest impluse-buy publishing hit, 1776 Things to Love About America, the eXile decided to put in its own 911 cents. Our agents think this things going to sell and sell and sell… but that’s not why we did it. We did it because this is how we as Americans feel deep inside. Take a gander! (more…)