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eXile Classic

(Articles sorted by the date they were added to The eXiled archives, not their original publish dates.)

The Bleak House: Meet The Children Of The Solnyshko Orphanage

This article was first published in The eXile on January 22, 2003 Dima’s eyes lit up when he first saw the Solnyshko orphanage’s toy collection two months ago. He had never seen anything like it. It took me a few…

Posted on: April 16th, 2013 | Comments (5)

Edward Limonov: "Boris Berezovsky In All His Glory of Political Refugee"

This article was first published in The eXile on September 18, 2003 On September 11, Great Britain have accorded political asylum to the most notorious refugee from Russia: to Boris Abramovich Berezovsky. I never met him personally. Once, in 1990s,…

Posted on: March 23rd, 2013 | Comments (17)

Driving Russia's Dangerous Roads: Risking life and limb on Russia's decrepit highway system

This article was first published by The eXile in March 2008 Two weeks ago I sat in a GAI patrol car drinking whiskey with an on-duty traffic cop. The pudgy officer had flagged down my friend’s Nissan for a routine “document…

Posted on: March 10th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Adderall Tips: How to Convince Your Shrink You Have ADD/ADHD

Currently, there are somewhere between 5 and 7 million children in America diagnosed with ADD, or Attention Deficit Disorder. Some of them have been fed small doses of amphetamine since they four or five years old. And that’s freaking out…

Posted on: June 29th, 2006 | Comments (256)

Ames Was Right Again: Obama Was A Boring Technocrat In 2008 Debates, But You Were Too Stupid To Notice

You poor Obamabots only just discovered a few nights ago what a crushingly dull technocrat Barack Obama is—but you’re still making the mistake of assuming that his snoozer performance against Mitt Romney during Wednesday’s debate was some sort of aberration….

Posted on: October 6th, 2012 | Comments (28)

W. H. Auden: The Worst Famous Poet Of The 20th Century

Auden is the worst famous poet of the 20th century. He simply cannot write a decent line, let alone a decent poem. Some of his very worst poems are among those “classics” found in every anthology of Modern poetry. They’ll…

Posted on: August 28th, 2012 | Comments (56)

How Pussy Riot Troupe "Voina" Got The eXile Censored in 2008: The Lost Story

It is the first time in the 11-year history of The exile, that our newspaper has ever been censored. What’s odd about it for us is that the “Fucking For Medvedev” spread, while not exactly family-friendly, is hardly the most shocking thing we’ve ever printed; we’ve run a cover depicting a nearly-nude Putin fucking Bill Clinton from behind, another cover depicting Putin as a midget in the Hitlerjugen getting his head patted by a pleased Fuhrer, and a cover demanding that President Yeltsin “Die Already!” during one of his many illnesses.

Posted on: August 22nd, 2012 | Comments (16)

War Nerd Classic: In Praise Of Sikhs, "The Coolest Warrior Tribe Around"

I think I’ve finally found a religion I can convert to. I’m thinking of turning Sikh. And we’ll just slide right by all the puns popping into your little heads, if you don’t mind. The Sikhs are just the coolest warrior tribe around. Take their scripture.

Posted on: August 8th, 2012 | Comments (176)

Why Soccer Sucks: The Antidote To World Cup Idiocy

  As an antidote to the current World Cup soccer idiocy, we suggest taking 1 full dose of The eXile’s classic soccer takedown, published during the 1998 World Cup. Here’s a little something to consider for all you folks who’ve…

Posted on: June 24th, 2010 | Comments (197)

Two Cities, Two Protests, One Arrest

ST. PETERSBURG — The morning air was icy and the mood tense as people gathered for Other Russia’s pre-protest press conference outside the Yabloko office and it was obvious that something was going to go down, and soon…

Posted on: December 11th, 2007 | Leave Comment

Hey Freepers! Mark Steyn Hates You!

This article was first published in The eXile in September 2005. A funny thing happened while I was surfing rightwing sites like Free Republic and Little Green Footballs this week: I discovered that Mark Steyn, the world’s only warmongering Canadian journalist,…

Posted on: September 23rd, 2005 | Comments (2)

War Nerd Classic: Altar Boy Vs. Altar Boy In Uganda: The Lord's Resistance Army & Joseph Kony

This article is a War Nerd Classic Christians are stone killers. You put a Christian and a lion in an arena and I’ll bet Toyotas to Subarus the Christian’ll have the lion for lunch. Just look around you: lions are…

Posted on: March 7th, 2012 | Comments (62)

War Nerd: Altar Boy Vs. Altar Boy In Uganda: Introducing The Lord's Resistance Army & Joseph Kony

  I told you so. Told you nothing would happen with India and Pakistan. Told you the whole idea of “Hindu militants” was laughable. But Christian militants — that’s a whole ‘nuther thing. Christians are stone killers. You put a…

Posted on: June 26th, 2002 | Comments (6)

eXile Classic: A Hero of Our Time Hunter S. Thompson 1937-2005

You wouldn’t have guessed he’d shoot himself, but it made sense after the fact. He always meant what he said and did, and he always had the guns around. It was right that he used one to blow his brains out.

I can’t remember the last time a celebrity death made me sad like this.

Posted on: February 18th, 2012 | Comments (66)

Big Brothers: George Orwell and Christopher Hitchens eXposed

Christopher Hitchens is out to save America. He’s brought the cross of St. George–Orwell, that is–along on the crusade. He’s everywhere in the American media lately, lending his accent and vast self-importance to the cause of Freedom. You might wonder…

Posted on: October 21st, 2005 | Comments (42)

The War Nerd: Who Won Iraq? Answer: Anyone Who Stayed Out

But let’s take the question seriously for a second here: who won in Iraq? To answer it, you have to start with a close-up of the region, then change magnification to look at the world picture. At a regional level the big winner is obvious: Iran. In fact, Iran wins so big in this war that I’ve already said that Dick Cheney’s DNA should be checked out by a reputable lab, because he has to be a Persian mole.

Posted on: December 15th, 2011 | Comments (55)

How The West Helped Invent Russia's Election Fraud: OSCE Whistleblower Exposes 1996 Whitewash

“The West let Russia down, and it’s a shame,” said Meadowcroft, a former British MP and veteran of 48 election-monitoring missions to 35 countries.

In a recent telephone interview with The eXile, Meadowcroft explained how he was pressured by OSCE and EU authorities to ignore serious irregularities in Boris Yeltsin’s heavily manipulated 1996 election victory, and how EU officials suppressed a report about the Russian media’s near-total subservience to pro-Yeltsin forces.

Posted on: December 9th, 2011 | Comments (11)

eXile Classic Comix: A Very Iraqi Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving, we’re publishing an eXile classic Comix from Thanksgiving, 2003…

Posted on: November 25th, 2011 | Comments (12)

A Letter To Putin From Moscow's Foreign Press Corps

To: President Vladimir Putin From: The Moscow Foreign Press Corps We, the Moscow Foreign Press Corps, wish to directly address you, the esteemed Russian President, concerning an affront you committed against our profession, and against our careers. Last week, you…

Posted on: October 22nd, 2007 | Leave Comment

Hack Watch: Did Guardian Journalist Hack Again? OH NO HE DIDN’T!

Just when we thought we could forget about Guardian Moscow correspondent Luke Harding’s hackburgling habit, along comes the following juxtaposition from a reader in London. Is Harding unaware that his stuff sounds like everyone else’s, or does he just not care?…

Posted on: September 14th, 2007 | Leave Comment