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eXile Classic

(Articles sorted by the date they were added to The eXiled archives, not their original publish dates.)

A Memorial Day War Nerd: Gettysburg Was The Finest Fight Ever In The World

When the fourth of July rolls around, you’re supposed to think of, I don’t know, the Constitution and backyard cookouts like in old Chevy ads—but for me, it’s really Gettysburg we’re celebrating. Greatest battle in American history. But the battle,…

Posted on: May 30th, 2010 | Comments (34)

eXile Classic: Hell On Wheels—Disabled For A Day In Moscow

Faced!  Wheelchair-bound eXiled Editor Yasha Levine finds out that in Russia, provincial clubbing ain’t for cripples Editor’s note: We reprint this eXile Classic, first published in The eXile on September 25, 2007, to commemorate Russia’s recent triumph in the Vancouver Winter…

Posted on: March 23rd, 2010 | Comments (9)

eXile Classic: 20 Reasons We're Ashamed To Be Americans

This article was first published in The eXile on March 6, 2008. In this post-Russian presidential election issue, while the righteous American editorialists wag their fingers at Russia’s farcical elections, we want to hold up a giant mirror (with loudspeaker…

Posted on: March 5th, 2010 | Comments (41)

Homage To Haiti: A War Nerd Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on February 19, 2004. Haiti popped into the news again, and I decided it was time to tell the whole military history of the place. It’s got to be the most amazing,…

Posted on: January 13th, 2010 | Comments (54)

The War Nerd Looks At Yemen: An Exile Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on November 13, 2002. Reading the leaks from Washington, you can tell we’re gearing up to do something in Yemen. A little regime-change action maybe, a sideshow to the big production number in…

Posted on: December 31st, 2009 | Comments (27)

Yair Klein: Russia's "Other" Viktor Bout

Klein on Columbian TV a few months before his arrest in Moscow Two weeks ago, while all eyes were focused on the case of international arms dealer Viktor Bout, I spent about five hours at the Moscow City Court watching…

Posted on: March 28th, 2008 | Comments (3)

The War Nerd: Hardware For Dummies: V-22 Osprey Takes The Pepsi Challenge Against F-18 Hornet

This article first appeared in The eXile on February 21, 2008. FRESNO, CA — OK, let’s talk hardware for once. I love the hardware, always have; the reason I don’t talk much about it is that what we’ve got is…

Posted on: December 4th, 2009 | Comments (51)

The eXile Guide To Aging

This article was first published in The eXile in November, 2002. Look down at your hand. Flex the tendons, watch them ripple under the skin. What a nice design! So silent and quick. That’s what they never get in these…

Posted on: November 30th, 2009 | Comments (26)

Elite Versus Elitny

This article was first published in The eXile on June 23, 2003. As Russians openly strive to become elitny, America’s dominant oligarchs and feeble intellectuals live in a state of grotesque denial about their elitism. Billionaires act like hicks and…

Posted on: November 29th, 2009 | Comments (39)

Another eXile Classic Retrospective: 911 Things To Hate About America

This article was first published in the March 21, 2002 issue of The eXile. Hot on the heels of the the Homeland’s latest impluse-buy publishing hit, 1776 Things to Love About America, the eXile decided to put in its own 911 cents….

Posted on: September 12th, 2009 | Comments (21)

Lord Byron: The eXile's Patron Saint

“Polidori once asked Byron what, besides scribble verses, he could do better than Polidori himself. Byron icily replied: ‘Three things. First, I can hit with a pistol the keyhole of that door. Secondly, I can swim across that river to…

Posted on: November 2nd, 2009 | Comments (12)

David Brooks Blows Bobos: An Exile Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on June 22, 2000. Reading Bobos in Paradise, I realized that it’s not so hard to make money by writing: all you have to do is suck and swallow several million people…

Posted on: October 19th, 2009 | Comments (17)

Exile Classic: Introducing The Schopenhauer Awards

The eXile is proud to present a new feature that we hope will entertain and educate you, the knowledge-hungry eXhole. In each issue we’ll introduce you to a new species we’ve nominated for the Schopenhauer Award. We’re going to focus…

Posted on: October 17th, 2009 | Comments (6)

90 Reasons To Hate The 1990s: An eXile Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on December 2, 2005. Everything about Russia in the 90s was cool. We mean everything. America in the 90s, on the other hand, offers plenty to hate to the spleen-endowed eXhole. Problem…

Posted on: October 14th, 2009 | Comments (42)

Exile Classic: The Economist: The World's Sleaziest Magazine

This article was first published in The eXile on September 7, 2007. Here’s a real-life superhero dilemma: What do you do when you’re the world’s most powerful news and opinion magazine, carrying the English-language torch of freedom on behalf of…

Posted on: October 14th, 2009 | Comments (15)

Exile Classic (The War Nerd): Nepal: Peace, Love, Massacres

This article was first published in The eXile on November 27, 2002 Ever wanna go to Kathmandu? Not me. I was never a hippie. The hippie types always talked about heading off to Nepal for spiritual enlightenment, but it sounded…

Posted on: October 12th, 2009 | Comments (38)

Exile Classic: How I Won The Afghanistan War

This article was originally published in The eXile on November 29, 2001. Now that we stomped the dust monkeys, our only casualty being that helicopter wheel that the Taliban danced around while firing their AKs in the air, I have…

Posted on: October 9th, 2009 | Comments (1)

Exile Classic: The American Left's Sleazy War On Michael Moore

This article was first published in The eXile on July 8, 2004 Much has been said over the past week about the final collapse of the Russian Left-opposition. Even a neo-con like Michael McFaul publicly lamented (through crocodile tears) the…

Posted on: October 5th, 2009 | Comments (18)

And The Wall Carpets Come Tumbling Down

This article was first published in The eXile, April 2008 Last summer, The eXile took a safari journey in search of the legendary Gopniki, Russia’s underworld answer to the OGs of South Central, Long Beach, and the Bronx. Those notorious…

Posted on: April 11th, 2008 | Comments (3)

The Ghosts Of 9/11: An eXile Classic

This article was first published in the September 6, 2002 issue of The eXile. AN OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD EXILE EXCLUSIVE LOOK AT THE UNSUNG GHOST-HEROES OF 9/11! MIKE BERRINGER Mike was always the hard charger, the sparkplug of his 77th-floor accounting office….

Posted on: September 11th, 2009 | Comments (17)