Last weekend, a Russian anarchist revolutionary art group called War pulled a fast one on Prime Minister Putin. Or at least they thought they did. Russian revolutionaries sure do fall far from the tree these days.
On the night of November 7, a group of them set up a laser on top of a building across the river from the Russian White House — that’s the place where the prime minister carries out daily his business — and projected a 150-ft. wide toxic green skull and bones on its facade. But the protest didn’t end there. (more…)
The first polls had just closed when the Republican Right’s “Agony of Defeat” moment arrived. It was just after 8 p.m. — right as Fox’s “America’s Election HQ” show returned from a commercial break, and Brit Hume welcomed viewers back to his “Fair and Balanced” network.
But something wasn’t right: There was a strange lack of background banter, none of the golf-buddy joshing that comes with overconfidence. There was just Bergman-esque silence between every one of Brit Hume’s dramatic pauses. The Fox cameras wandered over an incredible scene: the cream of right-wing/neocon punditry — William Kristol, Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke — were caught slumped in their chairs during the commercial break, deep in a state of hopelessness and depression. They didn’t see the camera train on them, or maybe they were incapable of faking it, as if they’d been on a three-day Ecstasy roll at Burning Man, and now they were paying the horrible serotonin-deprived price. (more…)
Mass psychosis?
So by now you’ve probably heard something about this election that happened on Tuesday. There seemed to be a whole hoo-ha about it, people hugging and high-fiving in the streets, international rejoicing, everybody laughing and crying and gibbering. In an elated frenzy, a friend of mine e-mailed me marveling how great it is not to be living in Dumbfuckistan anymore.
That’s how I knew the whole thing must be phony, just the kind of tall tale a delusional nation might tell itself as it finally slipped over the edge into mass psychosis. So the story is we all got together, we the people, and elected the very best person running for president, did we? The one who didn’t look like an Orc? The apparently intelligent, seemingly decent one who talked in mellifluous complete sentences and appeared calm and reasonable? AND he’s black?
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Today’s Defendant: Mike Williams, resident of Douglas, Arizona
Statement from the Grand Inquisitor: Hard-working people all across Mexico are busting their asses for American consumers. No, we are not talking about the migrant workers cleaning your dishes, picking your grapes or washing your cars. We’re talking about the indefatigable workers that are out there everyday, risking jail, death and torture to ensure the smooth delivery of the goods that make life bearable — yes, even briefly enjoyable — for millions of Americans just like you. And it’s not an easy job, folks. (more…)
Today’s Defendant: Twitter Twats
Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: When you join Twitter you become able to communicate in short bursts of information with many people from your mobile phone or computer. Your phone becomes a vibrating message-whore, hemorrhaging useless torpor-inducing updates from people you already know too much about. The other day, the U.S. Army voiced concern that the technology could be used to help terrorists organize. It could be considered a legitimate concern until you sign up and start getting a flood of annoying Twitter messages from its founder, Evan. (more…)
Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: With one day left before the election, CNN chose as its microcosm of America-at-da-crossroads one Kevin Sheen, a whey-faced Irish-American idiot from the Midwest, who coyly offers his quandriness as an “undecided” voter.
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Here’s a friendly warning for you: don’t count on the movies to get you through the holidays, any more than they got you through the Wall Street seizures or this gut-wrencher of an election. As bad as the movies have been recently, that’s how bad they’re going to be right through to 2009. Maybe even a tad worse, if that’s possible. Just to give you an idea, the title of one of them, a big fat one with stars and a major budget and everything, is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Just chew on that a minute while I check the polls. (Oh jeez, it’s tightening up, Obama’s only up by 5.4 nationally, 7 in Pennsylvania, 4 in Virginia. I swear, if we lose this one…!)
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Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Anyone dressing up as Sarah Palin for Halloween is condemned to waterboarding with extreme prejudice. How we’re going to manage to torture such a huge crowd of morons I don’t know—we’ll have to hire a lot of temps, I guess, and have them work in shifts. Because as far as I can tell, everyone is going as Sarah Palin tonight. Male, female, young, old, gay, straight, human, animal, it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to see thousands of fake (or should I say faker) Sarah Palins roaming the streets, lock your doors and keep the curtains closed.
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Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: On rare occasions, certain people are brave, and must be commended.
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Can I time these articles or what? The day after I put up my article on Ethiopia’s troubles in Somalia, 5 car bombs go off in two Somali cities targeting the Ethiopian consulate in Hargeisa, the Presidential Palace (such as it is), a UN HQ, and the Puntland Intelligence Service.
That’s the first time I even knew there was a Puntland Intel Service, by the way. Puntland is the horniest part of Somalia, the coastline up there where it pokes up into the Indian Ocean and then heads west toward Djibouti. Puntland has been in the news a lot because it’s the home beach of the world’s coolest pirates. Maybe the Intel Service was getting in the way of the local business. I would’ve thought their main job was identifying promising ships, casing the joint as it were, and passing on the info to the local Long John Silvers for a cut. Well, if there were any Puntland crimefighters, they’re shredded meat now. That’ll teach those do-gooders to mess with the Horn. (more…)
