The Russkie dream of buying out America’s economy might have tanked, but the Russians are increasingly sneaking across the border and making their presence felt in the U.S. media. Here is this week’s Russian-American video roundup.

1. Love Song For Sarah Palin

First, we got this viral video created by Russians in America of a simple young gopnik professing his love for Sarah Palin:

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Today’s Defendant: Joe the Plumber

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Oh, this guy’s got to pay.

Joe the Plumber, aka Joe Wurzelbacher—or maybe his name’s actually Samuel and he isn’t a licensed plumber–but regardless he’s an arrogant bald-headed prick who’s become an overnight celebrity after John McCain made him the representative American Everyman. His humble concerns supposedly reflect the nation’s ills. (more…)

Little did I know that when I lost everything last year, I was doing research. At the time I thought it was just stupidity or bad luck or both. But now that the economy’s crashing, it turns out I’ve been out there gathering valuable tips for millions of new paupers.

And let me clarify, I’m talking real poverty.

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Today’s Defendant: Christopher Buckley, Again

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Being “the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon” has lost Buckley his post at the National Review, the rag his father William F. founded, and he’s been bragging about his own martyrdom ever since:

As for the mail flooding into National Review Online—that’s been running about, oh, 700-to-1 against [me]. In fact, the only thing the Right can’t quite decide is whether I should be boiled in oil or just put up against the wall and shot. Lethal injection would be too painless.

Thus Buckley has put us in the position of agreeing with National Review readers about something—the necessity of torturing Buckley—and that is unforgivable.
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Today’s Defendant: Christopher Buckley

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Like his father before him, Buckley has led a life of vilest error from beginning to end: speechwriter for G.H.W. Bush, author of reams of smug crap, wearer of that stupid hat pictured above. Today we will contemplate his most recent sin, which might seem small in and of itself, but which in our view constitutes The Last Straw. He made an announcement in The Daily Beast, Tina Brown’s latest foul publication, entitled “Sorry Dad, I’m Voting for Obama”. It starts like this: “Let me be the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon. It’s a good thing my dear old mum and pup are no longer alive. They’d have cut off my allowance.”

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Cletus, god of the heartland

Today’s Defendant: Evangelical Ministers

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Every few months for untold years now, an evangelical minister crawls out from under a rock in the American heartland and says something transcendently stupid that gets picked up by the media. This time around it’s Pastor Arnold Conrad, formerly of Graves Evangelical Free Church. He gave the invocation at a McCain rally in Iowa last Saturday, and had this to say:

“There are millions of people around this world praying to their god—whether it’s Hindu, Buddha, Allah—that [John McCain’s] opponent wins for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they’re going to think their god is bigger than you, if that happens.”

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This is theater!

I went to a play recently, I’m ashamed to admit. It was a Tom Stoppard play called Rock ‘n’ Roll, which is embarrassing beyond words. It wasn’t my idea!

But even so, I went with a certain morbid curiosity, wondering if the theatrical experience could possibly be as bad as I remembered from the last time I got arm-twisted into it.

It was.
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Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Self-hatred is a dangerous game when practiced by Anglos. The danger is not that they will take self-hatred too far but, on the contrary, that in their capable hands it will quickly warp into coy self-adoration.  An entire demographic of underemployed aging youth of the dominant tribe devotes itself with brahmanic intensity to this cultural massage, under the guise of policing the borders of cultural territories among nerdy hipsters. (more…)

Today’s Defendent: Joe Arpaio

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Joe Arpaio is a man who enjoys his job. His job is terrorizing Mexicans, always a popular pastime in the southwest.  Arpaio wins 80-90 per cent approval from the aged voters of Phoenix not just because he terrorizes Mexicans but because he delights his living-dead fanbase with new ways of humiliating petty criminals and vagrants. (more…)

A few weeks ago, I went to see a new Russian horror film called S.S.D. (the acronym translates to “Death to Soviet Children”) about a bunch of annoying Moscow urbanites who get slaughtered while shooting a reality TV show in an abandoned Soviet summer camp. I don’t usually get excited about new film releases in this country. I’ve been disappointed too many times and now try to avoid them as much as possible. But this time was different, this time I thought the movie couldn’t lose. It had too much potential. If you’ve ever spent time in a real Soviet pioneer camp, like I have, you’d be excited, too.

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