Yea, the Lord has heard thine prayers, and He, in His infinite Sadism, has answered thee: back on sale, newly printed up, is the record of The eXile’s early beginnings. It’s The eXile: Sex, Drugs and Libel in the New Russia (Grove), first published in 2000. Click the cover to order it through amazon, or order buy it from your favorite overpriced neighborhood bookseller. (more…)
The Russian vacation season has finally come to an end, but for fans of Tyolka Thursdays, this means the real fun has just begun. It is a little known fact that in Russia, autumn is the official start of the much anticipated summer-vacation-picture-posting season, in which tyolkas compete against each other to see who can post the sluttiest photos in the most exotic visa-free package-vacation locations. Those with access to yachts and boats tend to be a bit more modest, but for the majority of tyolki, who spend their August vacation on rocky beaches with 3-star Turkish hotels as backdrops, they have to spice up their photos with a little, ah, creativity. (more…)
Statement of the Grand Inquisitor:
Thanks to a team of physicists at Cal Tech, the most sacred site in the Anglo world, we know at last the bitter truth: this universe is damned. We live under the unforgiving reign of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, a secular term for Original Sin. This we always knew. But now we know too that this fate was simply bad luck. In a trillion other universes, entropy is optional and one can pop like a snowboarder into past and future. But in our universe, for no reason but the flip of a molecule in the first nanosecond of the Big Bang, we walk the blind tunnel of time, like slave moles. (more…)
No this isn’t from the mugshot section of Smoking Gun. These are official portraits of the men in the Russian Duma, which is what they call the parliament around those parts. Looking at these caring faces, you just know that these guys have only one thing on their mind: making the world a better place for children and all living things.
These photographs, dating back to early June, are from a graduation ceremony for Moscow’s MVD Academy. These totalitarian tyolkas almost make you wish that Russia would come and occupy your country (i.e. our country). Serve up some of that sovereign democracy, ladies!
eXiled Alert! Tyolka Tuesdays has been moved. From now on it’s going to be called “Tyolka”Thursdays” and will appear every Thursday, naturally. Relax, it’s still the same ol’ Russian chick fix, just on a different day of the week.
This week’s Tyolka Thursdays post shows just how serious Russians are about that old advertising adage. In Russia, sex sells everything. And that includes website hosting.
These pics are taken from a promo event for Moscow’s Hosting Telesystems, which introduced the company’s sexy staff to masturbating computer geeks from Kaliningrad to Kamchatka. They’re saying, “Hey nerds, if you host your lame site with us, you’ll have sex with our horny naked tyolka staff! We’ve got tyolkas doing everything: taking customer service calls, working the router racks (uh-uh-huh), defending their network against DoS attacks and, most importantly, scanning for all sorts of nasty viruses (uh-huh-huh) and trojan condoms, eh, we mean, horses!”
This week on Tyolka Tuesday, we have something totally new. A Russian video sharing website called Smotri (which means “look” in Russian) just launched a new video chat function. It allows people to broadcast a live video feed from their desktop cameras while chatting with the public via a web instant messenger, sort of like a one-way Skype conversation that anyone can watch. Well, it doesn’t come as a surprise that Russia’s voyeuristic babes have taken a liking to this nifty service and have turned it into a virtual peep show for the masses overnight, literally. (more…)
We’ve been getting a lot of complaints lately. It seems many of our readers have been jonesing for their daily dyev fix ever since The eXile was taken offline by the Kremlin. Well, our policy at EXILED ONLINE is that the desperate customer is always right. While EXILED ONLINE does not have the resources to provide our deprived readers with 24/7 coverage, we can give you a weekly dyev fix. We can, and we will. And we’re calling it “Tyolka Tuesdays.”
Tyol • ka n [Russ, a chick; a young woman, especially one who is sexually desirable and in heat]
No dramatic photo compositions here, just grim pictures of burnt-out tanks, spent RPGs, charred human remains and columns of Russian armored machinery on patrol in South Ossetia and Georgia. Now updated with graphic photos straight from the battle scene. (more…)
Today, we sifted through a buttloads of your fan letters and picked the first ones that floated to the top, including three letters from Iranian terrorists, a knee-scraping nightlife tool from Moscow, another cheap-ass reader, and much, much less… (more…)
Ever wonder who exactly those 47% of Russians are who are nostalgic for the days of Stalin? Here is one babushka caught singing the Soviet anthem, and singing, and singing, testing the notoriously patient Russian masses…until (more…)
Do you still crave the perennial favorites you’ve come to know and love and worship from the original eXile site but find yourself unable to leave the comfy confines of The eXiled? Well, we’d like to help. (more…)
According to Pulitzer Prize-seeking reporter Clifford Levy of the New York Times, Russia still turns off its hot water to apartments for a month every summer. It’s the kind of scoop that has made Levy a star (more…)
A 20-year-old in Yaroslavl does a back-flop off a 70 ft high bridge on a dare, breaks his back upon entry and sinks to the bottom of Volga like a stone. His friends catch the whole thing—including his last puffs on a Prima cigarette—on video and from the looks of it they had been drinking. His body was fished out downstream seven hours later. (more…)
Listen to the Radio War Nerd podcast [subscribe here] with guest Gunnar Hrafn Jonsson of Iceland Public Radio on the massacre in Orlando and how online Islamic State jihadis are dealing with battlefield defeats and the shrinking caliphate. Subscribe to Radio War Nerd through the show’s Patreon page.
The political establishment’s racist, authoritarian reaction to the 1992 LA riots—blaming broken black families, massing cops and troops, and Ron Paul’s advice to his family on how to kill black “animals” and get away with it…
When the fourth of July rolls around, you’re supposed to think of, I don’t know, the Constitution and backyard cookouts like in old Chevy ads—but for me, it’s really Gettysburg we’re celebrating. Greatest battle in American history. But the battle,…
This article was first published in The eXile on February 19, 2004. Haiti popped into the news again, and I decided it was time to tell the whole military history of the place. It’s got to be the most amazing,…
This article was first published in The eXile on November 13, 2002. Reading the leaks from Washington, you can tell we’re gearing up to do something in Yemen. A little regime-change action maybe, a sideshow to the big production number in…
This article first appeared in The eXile on February 21, 2008. FRESNO, CA — OK, let’s talk hardware for once. I love the hardware, always have; the reason I don’t talk much about it is that what we’ve got is…
This article was first published in The eXile on November 27, 2002 Ever wanna go to Kathmandu? Not me. I was never a hippie. The hippie types always talked about heading off to Nepal for spiritual enlightenment, but it sounded…
One thing you notice more and more the longer you hang around this sleazy world is the way mainstream types can’t admit to the obvious. They always have to act shocked. So it’s like, “Bond Mogul Convicted of Fraud”-oh, the…
When the fourth of July rolls around, you’re supposed to think of, I don’t know, the Constitution and backyard cookouts like in old Chevy ads—but for me, it’s really Gettysburg we’re celebrating. Greatest battle in American history.