The reigning czarina of Russian sluts, the ever-ambitious Karina Barbie, released a poorly-edited video of herself practicing her poledancing moves when she was 17. Note that she’s poledancing in her parents’ home, with her babushka walking back and forth sans underwear (like babushka, like Karina). That’s right, mom and grandma bought their little baby Karina a pole and set it up in the middle of their provincial apartment living room so that their daughter could practice sliding around on it. Ah, the Third Rome, where would we be without it… (more…)
Today’s calendar girl collection, newly minted for 2009, comes courtesy of Kerch Yard, a Ukrainian shipyard in the Eastern Crimean town of Kerch. According to our sources, “kerch” comes from an Old East Slavic word for “throat,” and the town’s name alludes to the narrow slit, eh, we meant strait, on which it has been situated for the last thousand years. But as this calendar shows, the “kerch” can allude to entirely something else. Thing is, “kerch yard” literally translates to “throat yard” or, more generally, “an area of land used for storing throats.” And gosh darn it, those Ukrainians really know how to make some really nice ones.
On Monday night, Mexican police nabbed Laura Elena Zúñiga Huizar, a 23-year-old babe named “Miss Sinaloa 2008.” Ms. Zúñiga, who also holds the title of “Queen of Latin America 2008,” was traveling in an SUV with seven thugs, a couple of machine guns and $50K in cash. According to English-language news reports, Ms. Zúñiga was caught up in some sort of drug-trafficking operation. But with no drugs and just a pitiful amount of cash, the situation begs the question: What freakin’ drug deal? (more…)
Damn! Who knew that Greek women were so gorgeous! While the dudes look like the anti-globalist hippies of any European country fresh from the set of the The Edukators, the chicks are something else: totally and unexpectedly slamming. Sign us up for the Athens “riots”!
We’re not sure if this is a photo shoot for a real gymnastics team or a tryout for some sort of jailbait gymnasts’ fetish site. Whatever it is, we look at these tyolkas and cannot help but think: “With ruble devaluation just around the corner, there has never been a better time than now to invest in Russia.”
Today’s cry for help comes from a reader named Edwin. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.
*****
Dear eXiled,How do I stop being a virgin?Yours truly,22 years old computer nerd.
The Russian vacation season has finally come to an end, but for fans of Tyolka Thursdays, this means the real fun has just begun. It is a little known fact that in Russia, autumn is the official start of the much anticipated summer-vacation-picture-posting season, in which tyolkas compete against each other to see who can post the sluttiest photos in the most exotic visa-free package-vacation locations. Those with access to yachts and boats tend to be a bit more modest, but for the majority of tyolki, who spend their August vacation on rocky beaches with 3-star Turkish hotels as backdrops, they have to spice up their photos with a little, ah, creativity. (more…)
These photographs, dating back to early June, are from a graduation ceremony for Moscow’s MVD Academy. These totalitarian tyolkas almost make you wish that Russia would come and occupy your country (i.e. our country). Serve up some of that sovereign democracy, ladies!
eXiled Alert! Tyolka Tuesdays has been moved. From now on it’s going to be called “Tyolka”Thursdays” and will appear every Thursday, naturally. Relax, it’s still the same ol’ Russian chick fix, just on a different day of the week.
This week’s Tyolka Thursdays post shows just how serious Russians are about that old advertising adage. In Russia, sex sells everything. And that includes website hosting.
These pics are taken from a promo event for Moscow’s Hosting Telesystems, which introduced the company’s sexy staff to masturbating computer geeks from Kaliningrad to Kamchatka. They’re saying, “Hey nerds, if you host your lame site with us, you’ll have sex with our horny naked tyolka staff! We’ve got tyolkas doing everything: taking customer service calls, working the router racks (uh-uh-huh), defending their network against DoS attacks and, most importantly, scanning for all sorts of nasty viruses (uh-huh-huh) and trojan condoms, eh, we mean, horses!”
This week on Tyolka Tuesday, we have something totally new. A Russian video sharing website called Smotri (which means “look” in Russian) just launched a new video chat function. It allows people to broadcast a live video feed from their desktop cameras while chatting with the public via a web instant messenger, sort of like a one-way Skype conversation that anyone can watch. Well, it doesn’t come as a surprise that Russia’s voyeuristic babes have taken a liking to this nifty service and have turned it into a virtual peep show for the masses overnight, literally. (more…)
We’ve been getting a lot of complaints lately. It seems many of our readers have been jonesing for their daily dyev fix ever since The eXile was taken offline by the Kremlin. Well, our policy at EXILED ONLINE is that the desperate customer is always right. While EXILED ONLINE does not have the resources to provide our deprived readers with 24/7 coverage, we can give you a weekly dyev fix. We can, and we will. And we’re calling it “Tyolka Tuesdays.”
Tyol • ka n [Russ, a chick; a young woman, especially one who is sexually desirable and in heat]
