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Christopher Hitchens

hitchens dying waterboard

If you’re like us, you’re sick and tired of having to wait around for some loathsome celebrity to die just to read their obituary. Who says we can’t read the obituary before they die, on our own time? This is about empowering us, the non-celebrities, so that we can get our celebrity ghoul-pool porn fix when we feel like it, rather than waiting for their terminal illness to decide.

Which is why we here at The eXiled have developed a revolutionary new tool that will transform the literary death-watch. It’s a new technology we call “The Pre-legy.” At eXiled, we’re not content to wait for the doctors to give us the thumbs-down and the ol’ sad face. We want to know what folks’ll be saying after a celebrity death, without waiting for that celeb’s pig-valve heart to flatline.

Take our old friend Christopher “Hic!” Hitchens: instead of waiting for the throat cancer to take him away, we decided to get proactively involved in the ol’ warmonger’s impending death by generating, through our new technology, The Big Eulogy (or “Pre-legy) we’re all waiting for: the Martin Amis funeral speech, before it’s written. We managed to get ahold of the Amis eulogy in-advance thanks to an old Russian software programmer we know, who zombied up for us a virtual Martin Amis that can squirt out highbrow virtu-tears over the upcoming death of Amis’ best bud, Chris Hitchens. (more…)

September 17th, 2010 | Comments (42)

Christopher Hitchens Update: A Life Spent Blowing Smoke, A Death By Poetic Justice

“C’mon cancer, I dare you to knock this sneer off my face.” Since writing my last piece on Hitchens (“How Christopher Hitchens Robbed Hunter S. Thompson’s Grave”), I’ve finally found a widow smart enough to give Blitcons a massive up-yours….

September 16th, 2010 | Comments (32)

How Christopher Hitchens Robbed Hunter S. Thompson's Grave

Ancient Gonzo Wisdom should be a perfect book: a collection of all the interviews Hunter S. Thompson ever gave. It begins with a talk Thompson gave on ABC News in 1967, shortly after Hell’s Angels was released. It ends with…

September 11th, 2010 | Comments (96)

Hallelujah! Neocon Limey Christopher Hitchens Has Esophageal Cancer! Folks, Time To Stock Up On Jiffy Pop Popcorn, This Is Gonna Be The Most Satisfying Death Watch Of The Third Millennium [HT: Jack]...

June 30th, 2010 | Comments (4)

DAILY INQUISITION: The Further Punching of Christopher Buckley?

Today’s Defendant: Christopher Buckley, Again Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Being “the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon” has lost Buckley his post at the National Review, the rag his father William F. founded, and he’s been…

October 15th, 2008 | Leave Comment