As per our promise, we just posted four more eXile issues from way back when. Check ‘em out below or go to the eXile Classics pages for a up-to-date listing. We’ll be updating it weekly.

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Issue #4, April 1, 1997 — The eXile starts with the telephone pranks. First victim: German embassy. Topic: rumored buy-back of Kaliningrad for a few black Mercs. Limonov calls Solzhenitsyn a sell out. (more…)

What is a zombie piñata? It’s when a zombie on a rooftop fires its tongue down at a victim, picks her up and and dangles her above the undead horde, which take turns clawing little pieces of meat candy out of her. (more…)

When you look at the fighting in Gaza, or any of the other small, chronic wars we get these days, you notice that traditional war buffs, the ones who like to talk about WW II, don’t have much to say. If they say anything at all, it’s usually, “They should just wipe’em out!” Like, “Israel should just wipe the Pals out!” Or “America should just wipe Iraq off the map!”

And on paper, they’re right. Israel could kill every single man, woman and child in Gaza if it wanted to. And Hell, it probably does want to. So why doesn’t it? (more…)

I just found the perfect job for myself: media consultant for General Laurent Nkunda. Now there’s a job with perks. And General, you need me. I know you need me because I just saw an interview with you in the Huffington Post.  And even though you answered all the questions totally right, General, you just showed how you don’t understand the insane, childish way these people think.

(more…)

An Old Wacko Makes Us Proud to Be American

We don’t know what America’s poets are doing today, but we know what they ought to be doing: composing songs in honor of Robert Sylvester, the aged gunman who robbed a Check’n’Go market in Bloomington, Indiana, hopped into his SUV and shot it out with the cops in the middle of the highway. (more…)