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Real CPAC closetcases marry nutsack-nosed homophobes

God here. Just wanted to pipe in and say I really enjoyed the CPAC conference. Yeah, gotta keep Myself active, you know how it is. Anyway, I figure since everyone at the CPAC conference is so into Me, I’ll reward them with a little miracle that proves unmistakably once and for all that Intelligent Design is for real. I mean, Darwin is all about specialization and variety, yadee-yadee-yada. Whereas an Intelligent Designer such as Yours Truly can do whatever the fuck He wants. If Yahweh wants to make an exact duplicate of one of His better designs (see: babe on the left)–the nutsack-nose, which I designed to attract a closet-case gay-basher mate in the monkey kingdom…and then Yahweh decides on a whim to copy-paste the nutsack-nose and try it out in a different setting (see: gay-bashing bigot on the right)–do you really think that such a miracle could happen just by chance? No way–that’s My design, not some limey’s idea of evolution. That’s My work, Medamnit, and stop saying I didn’t do it. Here’s the evidence, suckuz! Case closed. Ba-boom!


Posted: February 19th, 2010


Greetings, earthlings. God here. What, you were expectin’ E-frickin-T? Sorry chimps–I mean, chumps–ah, what’s the difference. Chimps-chumps: you limbed types bore Me. As a designer, you humans are not My proudest moment, and that’s putting it lightly. The designs I love most are the designs I keep around–like jellyfish and worms. Especially the worms–ah, how Yahweh loves His worms. And I think you’ll agree with Me after you get to know the remarkable beauty that is the spiny-headed parasitic worm, Pomphorhynchus laevis. (more…)

Posted: August 13th, 2009