Daily Inquisition: David Foster Wallace Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: David Foster Wallace should have been dead to begin with—and it finally hit him, at age 46. That is, 46 years too late. The crime isn’t the suicide, but the…

What’s so funny? If you really want to appreciate the highly realistic portrait of America the Coen brothers have been working on for twenty-odd (very odd) years now, I recommend reading the “viewer responses” to Burn After Reading on a…

America’s chickenhawks are ready to turn Georgia into a nation of missing-relative-seeking refugees. I’d hate to be Georgia right now. So many American pundits have plans for the Georgians, brilliant schemes designed to get Georgia into a big war with…

Daily Inquisition: Fred Phelps Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: The Rev. Fred Phelps is a good Calvinist; no more, no less. All that separates him from America’s other hundred million Calvinist heretics is that Phelps has the courage of his…

John McCain boards the “Kiss My Elitist Ass Express” Yacht John McCain has been hammering rival Barack Obama for being little more than a vapid “celebrity” and “elitist.” But The Nation has obtained a photo revealing just how star-struck a…

Today’s Defendant: Camille Paglia Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: We learn with sorrow that Paglia has called this venal bumpkin, Sarah Palin, “the greatest feminist since Madonna.” Paglia’s fall has long concerned the Holy Inquisition, and the time has come…

eXiled Alert! Tyolka Tuesdays has been moved. From now on it’s going to be called “Tyolka”Thursdays” and will appear every Thursday, naturally. Relax, it’s still the same ol’ Russian chick fix, just on a different day of the week. This…

You probably didn’t know that CNN censored Putin for being just too darn sensible. Yep, it’s true. About two weeks ago, Putin gave the network an exclusive 30-minute interview. And you know what happened? Nothing. It was never allowed to…

Today’s Defendant: Randy Pausch, America’s Favorite Corpse Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Professor Pausch’s “Last Lecture” is already forgotten by the Oprah fans who leaked cheap tears at his televised death, this middlebrow false martyr. They ask little of a…

It’s been tons of funs watching the dust settle over South Ossetia, watching everybody go crazy and do their best to avoid the fact that Putin kicked our proxy ass. If you’ve ever wondered how countries deal with military defeat,…

Today’s Defendant: The Canonization of Kathryn the Martyr Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Today we have the joyous task of elevating the late Kathryn Johnston, of Altanta, Georgia, to sainthood. Saint Kathryn found glory in November 2006, at the age…

Sarah Palin Looking Hot, Hot, Hot All this talk of Sarah Palin for Vice President has gotten so pervasive you can hear it as you walk down the street, a kind of sinister hiss eddying around you that sounds like…

Today’s Defendant: White Trash Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Today we must prune a vile weed spreading over what was once a beautiful continent: white trash. It is with heavy heart we pronounce sentence, for we are survivors of Berkeley,…

Most people had never heard of Sarah Palin when she was named Republican VP nominee. But I’d been hearing her name all too often, because I belong to a group called Defenders of Wildlife–and in her time as governor of…

Here’s some more cool combat vids for you desk casualties. This time it’s Georgian troops shooting the Hell out of the South Ossetian capital, Tskhinvali, on the day they rolled in to retake the province after Bush and Cheney promised…

I saw a jet trail in the sky this morning and wondered why there aren’t so many of them any more. And instantly started grinding through the useless, absorbing little inquisitions that keep the mind from wasting its time on…

This week on Tyolka Tuesday, we have something totally new. A Russian video sharing website called Smotri (which means “look” in Russian) just launched a new video chat function. It allows people to broadcast a live video feed from their…