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War Nerd: Tom Clancy Is Not One of Us

My first fan letter from the eXile was an email from some guy in Michigan who wanted the latest news on Tom Clancy. Yeah sure, that’s why I’m here — to help you kiss that rich fat coward’s ass. For…

May 16, 2002 | Comments (13)

War Nerd: Israelis On Wheels!

Ever seen a Monster Truck show? They’re big in Fresno. The thrill is watching civilian cars get crushed by giant 4×4′s. But it’s nothing compared to the monster truck show the Israelis have put on in the last few weeks….

May 1, 2002 | Comments (3)

Meet The War Nerd: Gary Brecher’s First Article

Ames asked me to write a column on how all the wars are going, kind of a war reviewer. And I said yes on one condition, that you people don’t send me emails telling me liking war is a sign…

Apr 21, 2002 | Leave Comment

How I Harassed The Working Class: Dr. Dolan’s Skirmish With Poet Jim Daniels

This is an eXile classic, first published in The eXile on March 6, 2002. I‘m a harasser. Put the cuffs on me; I harassed the working class. And it wasn’t even fun. It’s not like I groped some factory girl…

Mar 6, 2002 | Comments (21)


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Book Review: Trainspotting With Guns…

Made in Yugoslavia By Vladimir Jokanovic Translated by Zeljana Zovko and Cathy Porter Picador, 2001 Ah, we’re already nostalgic for the little wars of the nineties, especially the colorful Balkan popups, with their quaint rituals and goofy flags. Remember those…

Nov 4, 2001 | Comments (1)

Crouching Camel-Toe, Hidden Snapper

Her name was Wana. My first and only slope. I boned her last night. I done-did her right here in Kentucky, in the heart of the Bible Belt. Wana didn’t say, “Me so hoh-nee, me love you long time!” Instead,…

Sep 7, 2001 | Comments (2)

Letter From America: I, Mark Ames, Goes Lesbian Yenta

In the Reagan years alternative culture trends came and went with such speed that only a desperate fool tried to keep up. I was a desperate fool, and I tried at times to keep up, but I was too slow…

Aug 23, 2001 | Comments (2)

Feature Story: COMBED OVER!!!

It all started two weeks ago. There is a certain person, whom I will hereafter refer to as a Little Birdie, who often sends the eXile materials and ideas for stories and pranks, without getting any credit for contributing. Two…

Aug 10, 2001 | Comments (2)

Press Review: Tell US What You Think!

The eXile is soliciting commentary on the following article, written by Michael Wines of the New York Times. We need your help in attaining a more perfect understanding of this article. Send your comments to editor Matt Taibbi at,…

Jul 26, 2001 | Leave Comment

Feature: New York Times Hack Eats Horse Sperm Pie

His name was Pobornik. He had never read The New York Times. He would never be able to recognize a classic “pyramid lead.” His hours were occupied by other pursuits: grazing, sleeping standing up for long stretches, swatting away insects with…

Apr 5, 2001 | Comments (9)

Moscow Babylon: Free Edward Limonov

In the autumn of 1998, I got a call from Edward Limonov asking me if I could do a favor for him. His newspaper Limonka—known for its mix of extreme politics and avant-garde aesthetics—was preparing to celebrate its fourth anniversary at…

Mar 11, 2001 | Comments (1)

Editorial: What About the Virgins?

Lost amid the furor over the takeover of the Media Most empire is the following crucial truth: that of the key figures on either side of the controversy, none of them would be genuinely sexually appealing to any comely 16-year-old…

Mar 7, 2001 | Comments (4)

Live at the Witch Trials

Three men convicted of producing the class B controlled drug opium were each jailed… In each man’s case Judge McDonald took two years’ jail as the starting point for sentence. Otago Daily Times (April 17, 2001) It takes radio signals…

Mar 7, 2001 | Leave Comment

Your Letters: [sic] of the Web

A [sic] BEFORE DYING Dear editor. Now that i have retired i would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all the support that you’ve given me over the years. But i still think that you’re papers full…

Feb 1, 2000 | Comments (1)

Issue #10 Cover

This is the cover of issue #10 of The eXile, published June 1997.

Jun 19, 1997 | Leave Comment

Limonov Files: Jews: Effective, Excellent, Talented, Anxious, Crazy Arrogant, Self-Lovers, Megalomaniancs

The world has two extremely opposite opinions about them: 1. The destiny of Jewish tribe is terrible tragedy. It is exceptionally tragical. The Jews are martyrs of History. They are persecuted by non-Jews. 2. The Jews are ruling the world…

Jun 19, 1997 | Comments (2)

Issue #9 Cover

This is the cover of issue #9 of The eXile, published June 1997.

Jun 5, 1997 | Leave Comment

Knock-knock! Who’s Theerrre? The eXile Kustomer Komplaint Killer, Killing Kustomer Service at its Source!

Could anything be more frightening than the thought of Russian service becoming as full of gushing smiles, how-can-I-help-yous and have-a-nice-days as the average California juice shop? We at the eXile believe that the final death blow to the Russian soul…

May 22, 1997 | Leave Comment

Moscow Babylon: Techno Land Otters

I can tell you God’s plan for this place very concisely: God created this place as a critique of me. – John Dolan I hate this time of the year. Being stuck in the Moscow heat is like unpaid overtime…

May 22, 1997 | Comments (1)

Feature Story: USAID: Jerks, Perks, and Propaganda

Whenever they travel overseas, most Americans are aware that the locals hate them, but few know why. Usually Americans ascribe bad blood to jealousy. Iranian flag-burning mobs? Uneducated, unfortunate and misguided people, afraid of progress. Okinawans? Sore losers, still mad…

May 22, 1997 | Comments (2)

Issue #8 Cover

This is the cover of Issue # 8 of The eXile, published May 1997.

May 22, 1997 | Leave Comment

Knock-Knock! Prank calling Moscow’s Madams

Virtually every unmarried person-and certainly every unmarried man-who reads Moscow newspapers knows what he’s looking at when he sees an ad for “Massage.” Though The Moscow Times long ago disposed of the word in favor of the even more meaningless…

May 8, 1997 | Comments (1)

Moscow Babylon: Russia Turns Trendsetter

Almost two years ago, on the eve of the 50th anniversary of Russia’s victory over the Nazis, I experienced the quintessential evening of Moscow Decadence. It began at around midnight in the parking lot of the Young Pioneer’s stadium. My…

May 8, 1997 | Leave Comment

Death Porn: A New Record?

While the United States is beginning to dominate the loony suicidal cult market, Russia is rapidly replacing America as the serial murder capital of the world. First Andrei Chikatilo set the modern record for serial murder victims by killing 53…

May 8, 1997 | Leave Comment

Feature Story: Spring Madness!!!

We at the eXile were on the phone last week when a funny thing happened. We were hard at work at the time, researching an in-depth story on what spring in Moscow was really all about. Unlike other newspapers and…

May 8, 1997 | Leave Comment